Everything everything everything that transpires in my life will reveal something about me as a man, about me in relationship, about me as a leader, if only I pay attention.
I attended a life event in March 1995. The event was named "The Sterling Men's Weekend". I was first exposed to this particular saying, or "context", on a large white posterboard at my first leadership training in the Sterling Men's Division (now Men's Divisions International), in late 1995. (When I first heard it, the final portion "if only I pay attention" was omitted. That portion was added by the Sterling Dojo's in 2002 or so.) For over 10 years, I participated in various Sterling graduate organizations. I had some wonderful experiences with the men and women of those organizations, experiences that I will treasure for a lifetime. I experienced emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth in these activities, and will be forever grateful that I made the choice to be a part of those groups.
Why is this important? It is important because many of us go through life ignoring the lessons that we are taught through life experience, deluding ourselves that we are "victims of circumstance" or "prone to bad luck", or refuse to see our part in virtually every situation and relationship that we encounter.
Truth #1 - With very few exceptions, we make our own luck.
Truth #2 - We ignore our instincts and our lessons, hoping that those lessons were "one-offs" or coincidental occurrances.
Truth #3 - The best indicator of future events is past behavior. We can change the future by changing the present.
Truth #4 - If a behavior or situation happens in one part of your life, it will appear in every part of your life. In "Sterling jargon", if it shows up anywhere, it shows up everywhere (You might have doubt about this, but on careful review of this statement, you'll make observations that the fears and courage, the character aspects, the behaviors that we have at work do indeed show up at home, and vice versa)
Now, let me put this in a recovery perspective. In Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Steps, there is a principle that whatever happens to us in our lives, we had some part in it. This is usually tied to our behavior in drinking, where we became "professional victims" - that is, we never created our problems, but the problems came looking for us! All we could see is how other people were wrong and how they wronged us. On practicing the 12 Steps, I discovered that I, indeed, had to admit when I was wrong, and then make the proper restitution (also known as amends) to let other people and organizations know that I acknowledged my mistakes and was willing to make them right.
What is gratifying about this principle is this: I have a part in everything that happens to me, including my recent 6 month depression. Here is what I know about myself - I'm stubborn, a loner, arrogant, fearful of rejection, and generous when I think I'll get a return on that generousity. It has been very difficult for me to ask for help and accept that help. It's hard for me to accept that I don't have the answer to a question or problem. I only gave when I thought the investment would provide me a return. And I hate asking for anything where the answer may be "no".
I've changed somewhat but am nowhere near perfect - I still have my flaws. Fortunately, I have an assortment of tools that, when I take the opportunity to use them, allow me to chip away and at the least acknowledge those flaws, and at the best to take some action to change that behavior.
Labels: Convergence, Philosophy, Recovery, SMW
posted by -e- @ 2:19 PM
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